Thursday, June 11, 2009

I deserve it too

Why does it bother me so much that my friend is pregnant? I sit here thinking and I'm like she is my friend, her boyfriend is my friend, I am very happy that they are happy, and I wish the best for them. I love that they are having a baby! But once I read a myspace comment about her morning sickness I go right back to just being angry and upset. I love her to why does it hurt so much? I feel like the only way to not be hurt all the time is to move away and lock myself away. If you have no friends then you have no one to get pregnant and rub it in your face, right? Ugh...that's a horrible way to think. When my PCOS friends get pregnant it doesn't seem to bother me though. I guess they earned it in my eyes. I feel like I'm working hard for something that everyone else is getting by chance. It's like all other women have to do is wake up in the morning and say "Let's have a baby" and boom, they're pregnant. I kinda want them to work as hard as I do. It's like you study and study for a test to get an A, and the teacher gives everyone else an A automatically without taking the test. I hurt because they are pregnant and I'm not, and then I feel guilty for feeling and thinking the way I do, which then just makes me feel worse! UGH!

1 comment:

  1. Oh sweetie. First of all, know it's completely normal to feel like that. Second.. I know exactly where you're coming from. I'm again, surrounded by women who have either just given birth, are pregnant already, or just found out they're pregnant. This is the second time it has happened to me. And everytime, the little green monster in me comes out. I even get like this sometimes when I see the girls from SC getting pregnant. It's like..alright.. you worked as hard as I have..but seriously.. before me?? So don't be so hard on yourself. And I know this is something you've heard time and time again, but your time will come. (((HUGS))) We're here for you.. anytime.. and this is the perfect place to just let it all out. <3